for a long time this has been a point of self-possession within me as well as self assistance. speed. i do many things fast. effectively, but fast. i clean fast. cook fast. drive fast. walk fast. work fast. when im doing a task i like to get it done. i like to say that i "just dont make a production" out of things. instead of ever thinking about how in the hell i am going to do all of whatever there is to do or how the hell am i even going to do it at all, i just get in there and start moving myself. i try not to have expectations about situations as i ultimately dictate how i am going to experience myself within myself in any given situation. i get in there and so things get done that need to get done. as self assistance, through speed, i learned to assert myself within the expression of me, as my voice, and me, as my movement.
definition
assert verb 1. to state with assurance, confidence or force.
2. cause others to recognize by confident and forceful behavior
3. to demonstrate the existence of.
the point of self-possession within speed comes not from the fact that i do things fast if they are being done effectively. the point of self-possession comes from me carrying on as if this is the only way to go about things. where i am possessed by my idea of how people should move or are moving instead of moving myself as the physical expression of practical action. period. where i will get frustrated when doing a task with someone if they are not working as fast as i think we should be working or walking as fast as i think we should be walking or moving as fast as i think we should be moving to get the task done. i end up just doing what i see needs to be done but the point of generating this experience of frustration and justification and impatience within me is being self-possessed by the superiority of "my way" or a "right way" of going about myself within how speed has specifically been supportive to me. this is not okay. this is not action that produces consequence that is best for all. this is not who i really am as life within consideration of all other life. this is who i really am as life within judgement of all other life.
there is no set way to go through process. i have had to slow myself down to actually REALeyes this point for myself. to where i can move HERE together with all others who are also in their various journey's of self-realization, of life, without judgment but with a mutual understanding of others as pieces of myself. the care and consideration and patience that i know i must give to myself to allow myself to move from what i have become to what i really am as LIFE- is the same care and consideration and patience that i must give to others as myself. this is not to accept stagnation or inactivity, but to be able to move within all of what we have become..
-i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rest in the fantasy of a mold and valuing this fantasy mold (of movement or speech or or expression..) over life.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the experience of frustration within and as me when someone is not reflecting ideas i have created and accepted and allowed within me.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the experience of justification within and as me in relation to my experience of frustration at the inability of others to live up to my self created fantasy mold.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the experience of impatience within and as me when someone is not reflecting ideas i have created and accepted and allowed within me.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create ideas of "right" and "wrong" movement. in this i cannot take full responsibility and accountability for all that is here as movement because of my separation of my self movement from what i deem as "wrong" and placing of my self movement where i deem as "right". in this i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a point of friction within me which initiates the generation of energy as emotion in me.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to force others through their processes. in this i disregard the SELF movement and SELF realization that makes ones process real here in the physical.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that in trying to rush others through their process of realization within themselves is actually me trying to rush my own process of realization within myself.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that there is more than one way to support ones self through this process.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value my movement over the movement of others.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to live the statement of 'the only value is life'. in this i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to delude myself into thinking i am valuing life when i am actually only valuing my self movement.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect everyone to reflect the value i have selfishly placed in the way i move myself. within this i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge others within their movement instead of standing as an example of practical self movement and letting that be it and me be that. no need to create emotional energy within myself because i am holding expectations which are not being met.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have expectations of those around me. in this i disregard and disrespect the individual process of all those around me. thus, i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place expectations on those around me.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as expectations.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as impatience.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that i can move, as life does, with no expectations.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that i can move, as life does, with no impatience.
i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create self importance within me and the way i move myself.
i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that the care and consideration and patience that i move to give to myself is the same care and consideration and patience that i must give to all others, as myself, as life.
--self-commitment statements to come..
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