day 7: seeing the "real me"

its is difficult to self honestly take a step back and have a look at ourselves and what we are accepting and allowing ourselves to exist as and participate in.

the "real me".

this "real me" is not who i am as LIFE within what is best for all. no. this "real me" is who i have really been being within self interest and a disregard for all other life. this "real me" is who i create charACTers to delude myself into thinking i am them when in actuality, the "real me" is just being masked by the charACTers i play.

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for example:

the character- could be 'the entertain me character'. where one would possibly go to strip clubs or go to the circus or to fancy restaurants to eat delicatessens like froi gras or hunt lions or constant video game play or tv watching. anything that entertains me. the bottom line is to demand to be entertained by various activities.

now, there is nothing "wrong" or "right" about a naked ass or going out to an event or any of these things. the question is --> who am i, self honestly, within how i am choosing to move myself?...who am i, self honestly, existing as within my participation? and when answered self honestly i am able to see the "real me" within 'the entertain me character' being played out.

the "real me"- as who i am choosing not to be aware i am being within self interest and a disregard for all other life is actually someone who does not care for the life of other beings, human or animal, as they would their own. its actually someone who values their life and experience over the life and experience of others to where abuse is disregarded to play out 'the entertain me character' and generate an experience for ones self. the "real me" in this is existing as a disregard for life. much of this is carried out in the secret mind. but much of it is very conscious.

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the point is, walking this process and actually being willing to see the "real me" i have been existing as that i have covered with charACTers is supportive but very straight forward if looked at with self honesty. i do not always like what it is that is under the charACTer as the "real me" that i have been accepting and allowing myself to existing as. i have to realize judgment gets me no where. being willing to see is NOT an invitation to create self judgement. i cannot run from who i have become. the "real me". being able to see this allowance of myself is the first step in walking out of it and into LIFE within consideration as a physical manifestation.

-i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself run from the truth of myself.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pass judgement on myself when seeing the "real me" beneath.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to consider, see and realize the flow of consequences within what i am participating in.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to consider other life as i would want my life considered.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to consider, see and realize that there is more to a circus than smiles and clowns. in this, i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to consider my enjoyment over LIFE as the animals.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create charACTers in which i play in order to present a mask of who i am. in this, i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to consider, see and realize what statement is being presented beneath the mask.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to DEMAND consideration of all LIFE within experiences of 'entertainment'.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself see my direct participation within all the abuse of LIFE that happens within our idea of 'entertainment'.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a secret mind in which i use self deception to protect.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing the experience of shock, denial and defense when presented with the "real me". where i accept and allow the truth of who i am existing as to cause me to generate the experience of shame.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing the experience of shame within me.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that instead of manifesting shame i should be realizing self responsibility and allowing myself to move to change.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear self responsibility for who i am really existing as within my actions.

--self commitment statements to come..