day 3: possession 3

definiton

self possession -noun-

1. full command of ones faculties, feelings, and behavior.

picking

this has been a huge point of created self-possession within me for a long time. i have written about this point before but the steps that i needed to take to move myself from out of this created self-possession, i did not take.

so to start to walk...

i have made the commitment to stop picking myself. it is done. its been 2 days now. no picking. i dont feel anxious about the fact that i am stopping as i did before when i tried to get a hold of my self-possession within picking myself. ultimately, i kept doing it because it felt really good. it was like a drug which i felt like i needed to get by. i did not simply stop full participation. i stopped physical participation. but mentally i was afraid to not be picking because i had become so accustomed and self-possessed by my idea of me as 'tree, the picker'. i felt like i would be lacking if i gave this up of myself. i needed it. i felt like it owned me and i had to participate.

i have been walking through many of my fears since i last tried to stop this self-possession. i realize that i am the owner of my fear. i create it. the creation of fear as energy generated through emotions that are triggered by ideas that i have accepted and allowed about things. so to face any fear i drop the ideas that i have about it and move within what is HERE in the physical. so now i do not have fear of dropping this 'tree, the picker- character'. as it is not who i am as LIFE fully present here. it is who i am as my creation of fear.

it has been very interesting to walk through and out of this without fear of who i will be once i have stopped this self-possession of picking at myself. i no longer hold on to this idea of "just who i am" and there is no fear around letting these non-supportive ideas about myself go..

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pick away at myself.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pick off pieces of myself that i judged as "ugly".

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the experience of the disconnect from my self-possession of picking at myself as "hard".

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the experience of picking instead of facing myself as "easy".

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see and realize and move within the fact that i am in control of my physical body.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attribute my movement to anything other than self direction.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create something within me, place ideas around it and then set it free within me, as fear, to manifest when presented with trigger points in which to cause the reaction of fear.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the connection between the discarding of "ugly" pieces of my face to my discarding the "ugly" pieces of myself that i, too, do not want to look at.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to discard the "ugly" pieces of the world as if we should just not look at them.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse myself through picking away at myself.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to provide the proper respect and support to my physical body as myself as LIFE.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to beLIEve the lies that are cultivated within all of our CULTures where we deems some people "ugly" and others "beautiful"- and in this we attach our specific mind definitions and ideas to these words and judge ourselves and others in the world accordingly.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that we create justifications within our beLIEfs that we hold about all things. even through the blatancy of abuse that comes from our beLIEfs.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give the respect and consideration that is only deserving of life to an idea as "my fear" and in this we allow this idea to direct us instead of being the direct principle HERE as the physical manifestation of life because we are moving ourselves as the physical manifestation of fear.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to present a presentation of myself instead of stand as who i am in every moment.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the character of 'tree, the picker' where i would place my responsibility and accountability of myself within picking on this "unseen" "untouchable" part of myself that i have relinquished control to in regards to picking.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be controlled by my fear.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trace the idea of fear back - where it is clear that the idea of fear is specific to each person and each person creates their own experience of fear within them, not in the reality we all share one and equal HERE. thus i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that my experience of fear is created within me, by me, for me. and in this i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that i trap myself within my fear because of its specification to me. i create a special feeling for myself within MY fears.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stroke the ego behind the fears of others and/as myself.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing, well acceptance and allowance. to where we walk around and state "our" fears and listen to others and go about "our" business, never to address the point of abuse that come from within us when operating from fear and the self stagnation in which fear traps us in. where we accept the fears of others so they will continue to accept ours. in this i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stand within participation of the continuation of our societal self created fear trap.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that if i cannot even stand as my face, how can i stand as life? as i am certainly a piece of the whole of LIFE that is here.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to face the "ugly" parts of the world.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to face the "ugly" parts of myself.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that i am, ultimately, in full command of my actions.

-- self-commitment statements to come.