day 19: a conversation about fear

i was at work yesterday chatting with one of the employees at the venue that was hosting the event. this was my second time at this location so we had spoken with each other throughout the day last time i was working. traffic was slow at the time and we got to talking about all kinds of things but the main point was fear and what it can do and present in our world. fear as the basis of misunderstanding via the creation of ideas forged in fear. i was speaking about the fear point starting when people are very young. religion is the way many first learn to create fear. fear god or else.. fear the word of god or else.. that "or else" or hell/damnation is a huge factor within the whole of religion that people do not like to look at for its obvious nature of manipulation. and for fear that it is true and one of those damned people that the bible claims to "love" but will ultimately kill and torture in hell fire for will be them.

but the fear is embedded so strong that misunderstanding via the creation of ideas forged in fear trumps common sense and consideration of all life one an equal. he asked me if i believed in god and was shocked when i told him i did not. i told him fear is introduced to children by parents that had it introduced to them as 'the reason and the way' when they were children. and that point is not so hard to shake even if we learn to stop letting our parents ideas make us and take the self direction to consider all things and make ourselves. the desire to hold on to what one is use to or comfortable with is matched by the fear of letting go. and fear is an underlined point within the teachings of any religion. he said that he had seen the flip of religion creating fear to where fear created religion within his experiences when he was younger and orson welles made movies that people mistook for news. he said it was literally pandemonium in the world around him. people were stocking up, killing themselves, buying guns, flooding the churches and finding religion.the fear generated from the idea of the movies being real was creating. and he said it was done again a couple of years later with another welles movies. we spoke about how the world use to think the earth was flat and other ridiculous declarations of "truth" that turned out to be either fear driven misunderstandings or complete and utter lies used to manipulate the masses.

because we are afraid to question religion we are afraid to question the hate, slavery, adultery, racism, separation, abuse and most important, fear that it advocates. so there is always the point of accepted cruelty that can be found and elaborated on in the name of, really, an inconsiderate sense of exploration and discovery when it comes to religion as a whole. all religions think the road to eternal life lies within their teaches and no others. and that very small but significant point, within the whole of what is to be considered, has never made common sense to me when looking at it with self honesty. he said to me that he never looked at it like that before. the man mentioned that he experiences these accepted sense of separation when he is out with his granddaughter. he is an older white man and she is a mixed race little girl of 5 years. he says that he notices the looks he gets from other people when they are out. its the sense of either she does not belong with him or he does not belong with her. ive heard this same sentiment from others who have mixed race children or adopted children of another race. we dont even need to use our words to separate ourselves from one another as life. if we are doing it in our minds it has the same effect here in the physical. nothing is missed. even a sly look from a passerby.

he told me of an experience he and his brother had when they were younger that has stuck with him throughout his years. kentucky born and raised, the two brothers, on their way to the corner store for snacks. he noticed an elderly black woman standing in the lighted doorway of a closed building very late in the evening and wondered to himself what she was doing there at this time of night. on the way back from the store he saw her there still and the two boys decided to go and see if the woman was okay or needed help. they went over and could see the fear in this old womans whole being. his brother asked if she was okay or needed help and she explained to them that she got off the bus and had no clue where she was only that she was in kentucky in a all white neighborhood and that she was absolutely terrified. which they could already clearly see. he said he wondered to himself, even at that young age, what the hell had happened to her or what she experienced that led her to be this fearful of being in an all white neighborhood. he himself had never had the experience so it was hard for him to understand the consequence he was seeing within the woman. the two boys told her how about they wait with her until the next bus came so she could relax and feel safe. to which she was very grateful. they waiting with her and then got on the bus to instruct the bus driver where she needed to go. and the driver told her to sit up front and he would make sure she got where she needed to go. he said that experience has stayed with him for years. the fear she had in her was something that was new for him to see at that age. and it really showed him how fucked things were for people of difference raises in an intolerable world.

was a pretty cool conversation we were having that we had to end too soon because of the fact that we both were working.

self forgiveness to come on these points..