for a little over a year i have had to take on the responsibility of providing for my now 16 year old sister. this is not something that i set out to do or even something that i thought i could do. what i knew was that it needed to be done. so i took on this responsibility. ive been told im not her mother and i cannot try to be. which i agree with. though i struggle with the idea that i am not just her sister though. which fucks with me because ultimately, i am just her sister. i can place self importance on a label as her guardian or her role model or provider or some other shit to appease an idea i have created in my mind. but in actuality, i am just her sister.
two sisters. two beings. living together. supporting one another in more ways than one whether we intend to or not.
living with a younger person is very interesting. ive always thought so but moreso found enjoyment withing the interest with the really young ones and annoyance within the interest with the older young ones. i think this is due to the uncomfortability and misunderstanding and drama i experienced as an "older young one" myself that i see reflected to me in the actions of those around me. to where i choose to react to what i see with annoyance at myself in all actuality instead of finding understanding within it for myself to be able to move myself to release the chains created around my own experience to be able to move myself within the experience of seeing similar in another.
one thing that is different about living with a 16 year old being versus living with a 2 year old being is that the 2 year old physically reflects what they gather about life from those around them while the 16 year old can literally verbalize what u are existing as. and if the communication is open, they will. and even if they do not verbalize it to u they are not just taking it in like a 2 year old. its seen and they make decisions (both guided and misguided) on agreeing or disagreeing with it. so when i was living with my niece if i was being emotional or angry she would reflect that emotion and anger in her behavior as learning. but now that i am living with my sister if i am being emotional or angry she will call me out on what im in the process of creating within and for me. saying, "ur being emotional right now." or "u are just yelling and being angry." or if she sees that i got angry but got attention from someone she can, misguidedly, make the inference that anger can be used to produce manipulative results. children are always taking us in. and there are many ways to do that as a growing child.
small children and babies do not have this "luxury" in the early most formative years of their lives. to discern what those around them are feeding, teaching, showing them. they count on whomever they are born to to show them what it is to be a human being in every way. which is why the teaching of children requires that one is educated to do so. we do not allow teachers to teach without some form of training to do so. but parents receive no training to be parents. to be these teachers. these first and foremost, teachers. but we recognize the need for training to teach life here in our corrupt system of education(via competition.. via manipulation). its dismissive that we do not require training once one becomes pregnant and about to be one of two teachers coming together to raise a child that will become an adult the collective world will have to share space with. some points that could be addressed are patience, recognizing spite, being a living word, self creation, equality as life, the importance of specificity...those are just some "classes" off the top of my head that would have supported me in realizing i am in a role where i am a teacher to another. not just with my sister but as a piece of life -living, breathing,being and teaching just like all other pieces. i am not even a parent yet what i am doing within coming together with my sister (with another being) could have used some training of sorts. again, that is where our parent/first teachers would support us in learning how to interact with ourselves and others in an effective way. to where all become trained teachers/self teachers.
many parents have stated that they are unable to focus on the task of parenting/teaching their children because they are too busy working or looking for work to be able to keep food on the table, clothes on backs and a roof over heads. the basics. trying to survive in a world of plenty currently trumps the focus of our role as parents in this world. where a new responsibility can literally put someone out of a home if the game we have made out of getting what one needs to stay alive isnt played well enough. i know i have experienced this myself. not knowing how or if i would be able to make ends meet to be able to continue with running water, electricity, food in the fridge... this is a needless wall we have built around our ability and responsibility as parents towards the little ones in this world. efforts such as a living income guaranteed recognizes our collective right to life and gives a living income to assure all that are unable to themselves are supported to have what is needed to live. none are left with a turned back from the world to starve or die due to not having enough money at ones disposal. care and consideration can be equally distributed. it must be equally distributed. we can stop this hindrance much of the poor experience in relation to not being able to have what is needed to live a life of dignity. read about the living income guaranteed here! we have to be willing to see action that produces consequence. all consequence, both desired consequence and loathed consequence, are due to action somewhere. if everything in our life is the result of choices we have made then it should be the practical decision to change the things we choose to do to change what we experience as life.
self forgiveness to come...
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