in this blog i will be walking myself out of years of programming. who i have become is not who i really am as Life within what is best for all. who i have become is who i am within self interest and a disregard for all other life. and to change this i must first be willing to self honestly look at how myself was made. to do this i will, through self-investigation, see within myself the patterns i participate in, the characters i have created and the ideas the i accept and allow and how these things manifest in the physical as "me". and i apply self-forgiveness for all this mess. then i bring action to cause with self-correction in moments to live as the directive principle within my movement so i can be trusted with Life to do what is best for all in every breath. consideration. honesty. oneness. equality. and so i walk..

Sunday, February 9, 2014

day 22: the travelling idea of accepted bullying - sf/scs

context-- http://atreesjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/12/day-21-travelling-idea-of-accepted.html

theres a big point within the idea of accepting bullying that i missed in my last writing. not completely missed but not really focused on. but that i have seen manifest in myself and in others around me since- showing me what i missed within my consideration. and that is the impact of the point of being a bully to ourselves.

i have seen the bully within present itself in me in many ways. in the past with fears. i had made the decision to walk through and within my fears but who we are as who we have made ourselves works to keep self as self has been. change is a process that has to be walked through. implemented. there were many times i had backchat of "u dont really have to worry about the fears." "its not a big deal." "just stay away from what u fear." "everyone has fears. its normal. dont fight it." in this is where self as self has been tries to bully the progress away from who i am as life. which is life. not fear as a specified idea.

or currently when i am in the mist of anger. i know anger. i see it for what it is. energy generated and expelled to generate and expel more energy to feed the minds. it is not who i am as life. but i still, sometimes, even when walking myself through the practicality of what i am feeling and why -am faced with that self as self has been as backchat says " ugh, just forget about it." "its THEIR fault im creating this anger in the first place." "u are the victim!" in this is where self as self has been tries to bully the progress away from who i am as life. which is life. not anger as emotion.

ive seen this with many people around me who want some type of result or are going for a goal. to where they will bully or belittle themselves into staying in line. where we use the force that is the compounded energy of years of acceptance and allowance to help us create a polarity personality to replace it with. its war. internal conflict instead self support and stability.

" stability is a gradual process - and I am still walking this - every moment you breathe will test you multi-dimensionally, and must always stand in every moment of breath with all that you are until all is equal and one with and as you " -anu

i do not want to change. as want signals a desire. i see the need to change. as need signals a consideration of what is required and what is actually not required - what is practical and what is not practical - what real and what is fantasy.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept and allow the manifestation of self as a bully.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to intimidate and oppress myself through bullying.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to uplift and expand myself through bullying.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the learned behavior of bullying in every other of interaction in this world.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold my will above anothers and in this use this idea of self as higher than/more important than to essentially push myself onto other people.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place others above myself as a sense of authority. as someone who is over myself. in this the power that is our ability to move our physical body from one place to another place and the responsibility therein is completely given away to another to do with as they please.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to taint the process of life by accepting and allowing bullying as a solution to lack of motivation. motivation is self and self is motivation as the living words here in the physical. so lack of motivation is actually lack of self as life within oneness and equality.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to replace self as self has been with a bullying personality to try to keep myself in line. in this change is by way of emotional abuse towards self.

i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that even if we are taught to bully (self and others) and encouraged to bully (self and others)there is still self responsibility in the physical manifestation of the bully personality. it must be walked. just like change. and it is always self that is doing the walking if walking is being done.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that i have to be controlled. i dont have to be controlled. i am the physical manifestation of control.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that i have to control others. in this is actually fear that we cannot be trusted with ourselves. fear that we cannot be trusted with life. though to move to establish more trust. not control.

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